__________Living In My Lunatiquely Lemon World Of Confusions----------

Monday, March 16, 2009

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I wish you would quit guilt tripping me because I feel like I'm dying inside while trying to keep up a smile.

I wish you would stop asking me to do things way beyond my abilities because I don't know how to tell you no.

I wish you would stop forcing me to go there because I really hate being there.

I wish you would just understand because you're supposed to be close to me.

I wish you would try to consider my feelings because I do have feelings.

I wish you would stop bugging me because I have a life of my own, almost non existant as it already is.

If wishes were money, I'd be so filthy rich.

Is it a fact that since my exams are over, I don't need to have time of my own?

Mornings, dragged there at 8 to do stuff that I don't understand.
Every dawn, hoping and praying that perhaps, just maybe, I don't have to go
or hopefully, you will forget about me and leave.

There I do the things you ask me to.
Go to the toilet for the 10th time and dawdle there.
Watch the clock, hoping it would be 6 pm already.

Evenings, dinner.
Bug me about my table, the clothes, reading chinese crap to her.
I'm so free you see. So I have to do this and that.
Put down whatever I am doing to go do the things you ask me to.

And still that miserable attempt to smile.

From the moment I wake up to the precious precious time that I go to sleep.
Respite.
The blissful solitary sanctuary of my mind.

Then the whole fucking cycle starts again.

Look forward to Fridays when I can escape from that place and you.
Weekends when I get a little more time to myself.

One more interminable month to freedom.

Time passes so slowly. I feel like dying.

I mean, crying. Really.

Cross my heart and hope to die.

I'm Confused|Monday, March 16, 2009|

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