__________Living In My Lunatiquely Lemon World Of Confusions----------

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

\I guess I do care after all...//

Today has been absolutely miserable. Three Cs. And being the stupid person I am, I had walked out of the exam hall thinking that it wasn't so bad afterall. I think my facade is dropping. I have shed a few tears. Of frustration, exasperation, disappointment or dejection, I don't know. Frankly, I think I'd be a truly happier person if I knew what goes on up there half the time.
What on earth am I doing? I really don't know and the folks aren't exactly helping. Why do people seem to thrive on my -
Forget it. The whole world seems against me today. Even inanimate objects. I still have a hell lot of things left undone. When will I complete them? People ain't helping either. I wanna scream and shout and trash things. But most of all, I want to cry. Cry myself a river or bawl my eyes out, anything. Why can't I cry? I should feel better. Or better still, I wanna sleep. Sleep and the world will seem better, even for a short while.
My beloved patrol members, understand that I am trying my best even though I know I am not freaking good enough nor will I ever be. I am clearest about my abilities and this is waaay out of that pathetic range. If you guys would cooperate, maybe I won't just break down in front of every body. Maybe I would go hide in some obscure corner and sleep and pretend every thing never existed. I don't have what it takes and the person who has what it takes is busy with her other appointment so you'll just have to bear with me for the rest of this year. You guys are lucky, I have to bear with myself for the rest of my life and that is a bleak future. And screw CCA points. I wish I never existed. That I am just some fictionous character. So I'll never have to experience reality. I do care after all. And that's what makes me miserable.

I'm Confused|Tuesday, May 15, 2007|

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